Speaking to Good Morning America Wednesday from behind bars, troubled Teen Mom star Amber Portwood said she opted to serve 5 years in jail over completing a drug rehab program because she felt alone and under close scrutiny.
"In my situation, I felt in the program there were a lot of eyes on me. And it was very uncomfortable. I was not using my anti-psych medication even," the 22-year-old explained. "You know, I was very depressed, all alone, all bitter at everybody. I felt like that wasn't the life I wanted to live, I felt like I'd rather do my time, and get it over with, and make the best out of the situation that's been handed to me."
“It wasn't just the program," she continued. "It was the fact of being alone. It was personal. You know being alone, feeling like you're hopeless, you have nothing, feeling like an addict and you're never going to change, even though in your mind you're working so hard but every time you get to court it's not good enough."
Portwood turned herself in to authorities on May 25 and requested jail time instead of completing the rehab and drug test requirements of a plea deal made in her 2011 drug possession arrest. An Indiana judge sentenced her to 5 years in jail on Tuesday.
The reality star plans to use her time in jail to better her life. "I'm not just going to sit," she told Good Morning America. "I'm going to substance-abuse classes. I'm going to get my GED."
Portwood also revealed a second suicide attempt. "I took 30 Suboxone within three days. The depression took over. I'd just take four to five at a time underneath my tongue, and nod out. I had more than addiction problems. I had, you know, mental problems, too,” she admitted.
Her first suicide attempt in June 2011 was stopped by Gary Shirley, her ex-fiancé and the father of her 3-year-old daughter Leah. He called 911 and Portwood was hospitalized.
"There's nothing lower than trying to kill yourself. That's why it's probably hard to understand why I did what I did," she added. "But when you mentally know that, you're not right. You're 22, and you tried to take your life twice. And you're 22, and you're still here, you don't want to mess that up."
Portwood’s relationship and rehab troubles will be featured on the fourth and final season of Teen Mom, which is set to premiere Tuesday, June 12 at 10 p.m. EST on MTV.
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